Right now, I’m on a BREAKKK!!!!
A legit break. The break one gets after constantly struggling for two long years. A much needed “pause” that any person of my age deserves at this point.And I mostly spend it sitting idle inside the house. It’s not like I don’t appreciate the sunrise and sunset or nature and it’s unparelleled beauty , just that my room and my bed hit the top of my priority list.
7:30 am – usually the time I’m in the deepest of my sleep, but today I was awake and I don’t know why. I looked outside and it was cloudy -seemed like a perfect time to go for a walk.
It has been long since I had been awake at this time after school ended. It all seemed a bit new. I could see small kids dressed in their tiny white and red uniforms, some wearing their coloured T-shirt, some with a sleepy face, some enthusiastic as ever, some eating their morning breakfast at their bus stops. I saw a school bus waiting at one corner, continuously honking. I heard someone running from behind me and saw a middle school boy with a sandwich in one hand and his tie in another, running with a heavy bag ( which was quite evident from his face). He boarded the bus and started panting heavily. Wow!!
I realized I missed it. That sight reminded me of every single moment I had spent in the last few years.
I remembered how, even my school bus used to wait for me. Since mine was the first stop, the driver waited a few minutes longer than usual and how I used to betray his trust every alternate day because high school was all about 75% attendance.
The monsoon especially, was the most wonderful and annoying season of the year. We used to keep our umbrellas in front of the blackboard for it to dry before the morning bell. Even though we missed playing matches in our ground or court we still were allowed to do whatever we wanted because- senior secondary!! We earned and owned every advantage and disadvantage as we grew up and embraced it just like our flaws.
The haste is all I missed. In everything.
To catch a bus. To complete a homework. To learn Named reactions. To finish half of the portion in the morning before the test. To finish prefect duty. To get our own favorite seat. To eat tiffins. The haste to get over everything.
We believed if we’d finish this now we’ll have time to rest later. Our haste to get it all done and the effort to find that “never-can-you-rest” moment was endless.
Not like now I have too much time and too little to do and that’s why I miss it, just that now there’s no haste. I do what I wish to do in whatever time I get. Scheduling- canceling- rescheduling, we did that a lot, have learned a lot and mastered it well enough. It’s like we don’t even panic anymore even if the situation demands so. We’ve gone through that phase a lot and now it doesn’t scare us anymore.
Yet, I still believe there’s a lot that’ll come which will scare the shit out of us. Still, the way a student gets scared by the most trivial events in school, they never get to that again (at least academically) .
It’s not the place and the people you miss the most, it’s YOU in that moment which you will always miss!!
A bit cranky, bit humorous, bit of a cry baby, a bit proud, bit sad, bit angry at the curriculum, a bit lazy, a bit responsible, a bit mundane and above all a LOT HAPPY- a happiness we were always unaware of.
This is what we miss.
We miss the “person we were” at that moment,
with those people,
in that place,
it’s supposed to be missed- YOU AND YOUR TRIBE!!
=> Culturally corrupt, mentally bankrupt and emotionally rolled over-the like minded people- the “Tribe” you were a part of, the “Tribe” that left a lot with you and took a lot with itself.
My summers were never about dehydration, drinking, summer clothes, a stick figure and beach. They were defined as May 5 to June 15, 5 projects, 4 journals and a series of test preparation and exactly this is the summer I’ll miss.
I’m not saying that if given a chance I’d like to relive it…No! (Please xP) I don’t want that. I liked it how I was unaware of everything and yet handled all of them unexpectedly good and in all the way I thought I was capable of. Given a chance I wouldn’t even want to be wiser than I was and then go back in time to relive those days again. I’d only like to be the “wise” like the one I am now- stretched by some immature, unreasonable and tolerable mistakes and experiences.
I made and I make mistakes. I did some or many things that were dumb, stupid and unwanted at that time but I don’t want to change it. After all I am moulded by it, all of it. Neither would I opt to remove the wilderness nor will I remove the experience. They define me.
I usually find it to be an anomaly when people say friends are the only people you get to choose. I don’t think so!!
They, who think alike, fall in the same tribe as yours,
your tribe chooses you.
But for better or for worse, it NEVER makes you dependent on them- You are a group of independent individuals who once hurdled together!!
Don’t lean on them because they all have to go. You will have to go.
You will get chosen again, you’ll ride that roller coaster again and miss it again but more importantly you will haste all over again and again and again……….